The Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2011
Today is June 21st, the first day of Summer. As the weather gets hotter, it is time for the annual Summer kickoff. This is the 2011 official list of the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies.
The list contains ten women on the left, ten on the right, and ten straight up that bodacious creamy middle.
Liberal women find the list sexist, as if women never rank men. Consider even having liberals on this list to be the sexual version of affirmative action.
Conservative women are usually flattered since they are secure enough with themselves to know that women can have beauty and brains.
Here are the lists from 2008, 2009, and 2010.
To prove that this list involves brains as well as beauty, the dopey imbeciles known as Hollywood celebrities are not on the list. Having a political opinion does not make one political, nor does playing somebody political on a television show or in a movie suffice. The people on this list engage in politics for real.
With that, here are the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2011.
10.) Maria Cantwell/Barbara Boxer
These women may both be dragging the Senate over the left cliff of sanity, but they are reasonably attractive. I am sure every man fantasizes over what Barbara Boxer must be like with laryngitis. Men who loathe her still think she could use a good spanking. She should have stayed brunette. Cantwell understands this.
9.) Norah O’Donnell
She would have ranked higher like she has in past years but since she is on MSNBC, nobody watches her. She has 12 viewers. 8 of them are conservatives doing opposition research and 2 of them are lusty teenagers. Compared to the all male cast including Matthews, Schultz, and Maddow, at least Norah has estrogen.
8.) The slutwalkers
Women are threatening to engage in slutwalks. They are letting us all know that they will prance around scantily clad to teach us all a lesson. As long as they are young and attractive, fine by me.
7.) Tamara Holder
This tough liberal attorney is allowed to talk about the penal code whenever she wants. What is about lawyers named Holder screwing up the system? Unlike Eric, at least this Holder does not have a mustache.
6.) Tina Fey
In real life she is a typical elitist snob, a nobody on a show that was funny before she was born. She became a somebody by imitating a somebody, that being Sarah Palin. It is sad when your best accomplishment is being mistaken for somebody else, but that is what happens when one is on a television show thirty years past its golden years.
5.) Oprah Winfrey
After 25 years she is leaving television. Despite being a liberal, conservatives should always appreciate her for knocking Phil Donahue off the air. Also, we should fear her because she runs the world. Her boyfriend Steadman Graham is the current Attorney General.
4.) Kirsten Powers
She dated the appropriately named yet slightly misspelled Anthony Weiner. She is a liberal who is sane. Conservatives can listen to her without suffering permanent ear damage. She is capable of offering reasonable analysis, which is probably why she broke up with Weiner to begin with. The pic of her has her giggling while the word “batteries” is on the ticker. What a naughty coincidence.
3.) Leslie Marshall
She is another liberal willing to concede that conservatives have a right to exist. I have sparred with her on her radio program. She is tough but fair. She is also hot.
2.) Alicia Menendez
She is a fiery latina leftist. Admit it men. Even if you are not listening to a word she is saying, she looks great saying it.
1.) Alina Kabaeva
This pro-Kremlin woman reminds me of the 1980s movie “Secrets of the Red Bedroom.” She has been linked romantically to Vladimir Putin. Both deny this, but why does Vlady get women like this…because he can. The entire reason to be a dictator is to get women like this.
10.) Cinnamon Stouffer
This CNN Headline News honey now goes by her middle name Linda. I remember a commercial from the 1980s “Help yourself to Stouffer’s Pizza.” I sure wish I could.
9.) Melissa Theuriau
She is a French journalist. To be French and non-detestable is commendable when graded on her very lovely curves.
8.) Amy Robach
The Today Show, like NBC itself, is so yesterday. Yet this woman is the loveliest thing they have seen since Jane Pauley was thrown overboard for not being hot enough. Shockingly enough, it was liberal white males who engaged in sexism while liberal women stayed silent.
7.) Anita McNaught
This Fox News correspondent is so regal with that British accent. She is as sophisticated as it gets.
6.) Erin Burnett
This CNN anchor is a new goddess that will hopefully be on the scene for some time.
5.) Kiran Chetry
She was on Fox News, and she still was noticed for her beauty. That says a lot given the bevy of competition. Yet she moved to CNN and instantly rocketed to the top.
4.) Margaret Brennan
This Bloomberg Television beauty makes more than the market rise. For those who grew up on Maria Bartiromo, there is serious competition in the “money honey” department.
3. Dierdre Bolton
Bloomberg Television now has the equivalent of the Doublemint Twins with another stunner. She is not related to the former United Nations Ambassador and she also does not have a mustache.
2.) Dagen McDowell
Whether on CNN or her current gig at Fox Business, she is still the Scarlett O’Hara of finance.
1.) Ruby the Heartthrob (Karima El Mahroug)
This 17 year old is why Silvio Berlusconi is the luckiest billionaire on Earth, assuming there are no consequences. The Italian Prime Minister and his Bunga Bunga sex parties gave us Ruby’s great bongos. Not only is she lovely, but Bunga Bunga is just fun to say. I think it involves trampolines. If Berlusconi did sleep with her, the answer is again the obvious. Because he can. That is the whole point of being a wealthy billionaire who runs an entire nation.
There is going to be serious controversy with this list. While Shannen Doherty gets a lifetime beauty notice, she has not done anything political lately. Once she reenters the political arena, she will vault back to her customary perch atop the beauty list as the hottest woman on Earth.
Mary Katharine Ham is not on the list. She recently got married, and my wedding present to her is to spare her the indignity of this nonsense. She will most likely return next year.
There are so many stunning conservative women, and I own the calendar to prove it. I bought it at CPAC and Kate Obenshain autographed it. Yet like cutting a budget, tough choices have to be made and I made them.
10.) Jan Brewer
Yes, I know. Some of you think I have lost my ever loving mind. Hey, Racquel Welch is looking phenomenal at 70, and Joan Collins is still elegant. How can one not lust after a woman who is constantly mentioned in the same sentence as “crackdown.” She is on the forefront of law and order in America, and that is hot.
9.) Lisa Baron/Delia Lopez/Elizabeth Halseth/Mande Wilkes
Delia Lopez ran for Congress in Oregon in 2010. Elizabeth Halseth in 2010 entered the Nevada state legislature. Mande Wilkes ran for the state legislature in South Carolina. Lisa Baron is a Republican Jewish brunette who wrote a political sex book. The fact that she is not number one shows how amazing the women ahead of her are. Sadly enough, none of the women on this list to my knowledge are in her book.
8.) Mary Taylor
The Lieutenant Governor of Ohio is one of the least well known of the stunning Mama Grizzlies, but being second in line to John Kasich should make her stand out.
7.) Ellen Karis
This Greek goddess of conservative comedy is funny, and married to a Jewish guy. Sadly, that man is not me.
6.) Sarah Palin/Michele Bachmann
The two hottest women ever to run for the White House are also two of the nicest, sweetest, and downright loveliest. They are both hopelessly in love with their own husbands, which is sweet and beautiful, but unfair to all other men everywhere. Kristi Noem is a newcomer to Congress from South Dakota. May she stay forever. The right has Kristi Noem while the left have garden gnomes.
The pic of Palin is obviously fake, but it is so lovely I had to use it anyway. I have no evidence she listens to the Jonas Brothers.
5.) Andrea Tantaros
Continuing with the Greek Aphrodite theme, Andrea Tantaros remains the conservative woman easy on the eyes who will make your ears bleed if you get on her bad side. She may have been the one who found the heel of Achilles in the Iliad. She certainly understands what men like…her.
4.) Jill Rowland
She ran for Congress in New York in 2010. The freezing winter is no match for her sultry warmth.
3.) Carol Vorderman
This British bombshell was a game show host who is rumored to be politically supportive of the Tories. At age 50 she just beat out 27 year old Royal Pippa for England’s coveted “Rear of the Year” award. She laughed and admitted that she has always “had a big bum.”
2.) Rebecca Kleefisch
The Lieutenant Governor of Wisconsin is a smoldering beauty who sadly got married and had children before I could vote myself and send a diamond encrusted ballot. As the second in command to Governor Scott Walker, she is at the forefront of the battle to subdue the rabid, frothing unions. They are low and crass while she remains high class.
1.) Tzipi Hotovely
This Israeli legislator should change her name to “Simply So Lovely.” She belongs to Likud and really looks good. She may be the hottest conservative Jewish brunette on Earth. She came to Los Angeles, and left without me getting a chance to propose to her. Now she may never know that I am adding my name to the billions of men who want her. She is so hot that even Palesimian men put down their rocket launchers and try to launch themselves in her direction.
She is the Top Conservative Republican Yummy Bouncy of 2011.
The women on this list all have something in common besides being hot. They have never let me touch, smell, or taste them. I may have been allowed to look at them. Because they are hot, I listen to all of them.
These are the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2011.
As for any Republican Jewish brunettes who let me enjoy their yummy bouncies this calendar year, thank you very much.
Now to sleep and to dream about about them while counting them. 4…8…12…zzzzz