The Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2010
Today is June 21st, the first day of Summer. Every June 21st the Tygrrrr Express lets unimportant issues such as war, pestilence, and economic turmoil take a back seat until the next day.
The first day of Summer is where I reveal my annual list of the top 30 women in politics, also known as the top 120 political yummy bouncies.
Unlike the Miss America pageant, this is strictly a beauty contest.
Here are past winners and musings from the blogosphere on other nominees.
As is the case every year, finding enough liberals was difficult. Finding enough independents was next to impossible. There was an overdose of conservatives.
Here are the liberals.
10) Jennifer Turner–She is an Islamist, also known as an ACLU human rights advocate. She is the only woman on the list without a picture. This is not due to her support of Jihadists. I do not let suicide bombers get in the way of judging hot women. I simply cannot find a picture. I met her in real life, and her lack of logical reasoning is matched by her spectacular appendages. She would be shot to death if she dressed that way in the Arab nations she champions.
9) Tanya Acker–I thought she was a supermodel when I met her on a plane. She is a smart, accomplished, nice woman who is also a fierce debater.
8) Christine Pelosi–Her mother is detestable. She is delectable. Perhaps she is adopted.
7) Kirsten Gillibrand–The accidental New York Senator is prettier than Hillary Clinton and Chuck Schumer combined, even if her rump roast cannot match Hilldawgs.
6) Kirsten Powers–A pair of Kirstens made the list. This one is one of the honest liberals out there, although the bar is low. Her last name reflects what her body possesses.
5) Maria Cantwell–The Washington State Senator is gorgeous and wealthy. That is an enticing combo.
4) Sarah Silverman–Only a woman as hot as Sarah could get away with the filth that comes from her mouth. She actually told young people to threaten to boycott their grandparents unless they voted liberal.
3) Tamara Holder–She helps dead people vote and supports corruption. Translation: She is a Chicago civil rights attorney. Even community organizers can be sexy.
2) Leslie Marshall–This fiery radio host could be an underwear model. Instead she just offers scorched Earth liberalism, with a smile.
Here are the independents:
10) Rachel Uchitel–Although she is not really political, she is the Ashley Dupree of this list. She was the first Tiger Woods mistress to come forward, giving her the distinction of being the first woman to ever make anybody have a reason to actually care about golf.
9) Juju Chang–This Good Morning America correspondent may not get me to watch her show or any show at that unheavenly hour, but those waking up at the crack of dawn should enjoy her.
8) Dawn Fratangelo–This NY correspondent has had a ton of pain in her life, so I will tread lightly. I hope somehow she finds inner peace to match her outer beauty.
7) Robin Meade–An attractive journalist who actually keeps her opinions to herself. hat is refreshing and admirable.
6) Anita McNaught–Her aristocratic accent combines nicely with her serious demeanor and seriously good looks.
5) Tammy Bruce–She insists that she is a lesbian, but I suspect that is a ploy to keep men away. Of course, if the women she has sex with are also hot, they will make future lists.
4)Campbell Brown–She might not make the list next year since she quit her CNN show. She is as dignified as my conducting this list is undignified.
3) Kiran Chetry–When a Fox News lady faces too much competition, she goes to CNN and wins hands and legs down.
2) Lauren Sivan–This Fox News anchor is simply smoldering.
1) Dagan McDowell/Maria Bartiromo–Dagan McDowell is Scarlett O’Hara on Wall Street. Maria Bartiromo is the CNBC Money Honey. The financial collapse did not keep them from rocketing to the top of the list in this column.
While the conservatives are bombshells, the real bombshells come in the form of who…and who is not…on the list.
Andrea Tantaros and Mary Katharine Ham are not on the list.
No, I have not lost my marbles. This is an election year. There are so many new women that the Republican list is entirely new, with not a single name from last year.
Even Shannon Doherty, the Republican brunette goddess who will most likely win the lifetime political yummy bouncy award if I ever create one, did not make the cut. Dancing with the Stars is not political, despite the performance of Tom Delay.
Judith Regan did not make the list because she has been keeping a low profile. South Carolina Gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley did not make the cut because the list was compiled before she lit up the screen.
With that, here are the conservatives.
10) KT McFarland–I know, people will say I am off my rocker on this one. There is just something sexy about a Neocon Reaganite at any age.
9) Harris Faulkner/Megan Kelly–These Fox News correspondents combine toughness with pleasantness. Ph yeah, and they are hot, with Faulkner being a former beauty queen winner.
8) Marsha Blackburn/Mary Bono Mack–A blonde from Tennessee and a brunette from Palm Springs. They make a great Congressional pair. I would insert a tactless remark here, but they are good Republican women who deserve better.
7) Pam Bondi–She is running for the attorney general job in Florida. She is so tough and hot that she should change her name to Pam Bondage. I could picture her in charge of the penal code any day of the week.
6) Elizabeth Halseth/Mande Wilkes–They are running for the state legislature in Nevada and South Carolina respectively. Elizabeth is adorable, while Mande says inappropriate things ina way that makes me proud.
5) Stevie Rae Rivenbark–Miss Wilmington nearly became Miss North Carolina.
4) Mary Smith–This Denver political consultant has a non-descript name but as descriptively lovely as it gets.
3) Melissa Goodwin/Laurie Ingram–These ladies are both politicos in Bastrop, Texas. One is running for judge, the other treasurer. A hot judge and a hot money lady makes for Bastrop being the best county in Texas, if not America.
2) Mattie Fein–She is a Republican Jewish brunette who is tough on Iran. That alone makes her worthy of a good paddling. She will be the hottest woman in the history of Congress if she can overthrow the mullahs by batting her eyelashes.
1) Samantha Cameron–The Carla Bruni/Segolene Royal role this year goes to the wife of British Prime Minister David Cameron. Shockingly enough, powerful men have hot wives. The last thing Britain needs is another sex scandal, but with this woman an exception must be made.
When all is said and done, only one set of political yummy bouncies truly captivates me, and a picture will not be provided. The Miami Shark is the most stunning Republican Jewish brunette on Earth, with her liking football only enhancing everything else.
When I sleep at night, I do not count sheep. I count her yummy bouncies.