Barack Hannah Montana Obama
The above article by Gerald Baker of the London Times is simply one of the best pieces of satire I have ever read. It lacerates the myth of the Obamessiah.
For those looking for some politically liberal gifts for loved ones, Eau D’Obama Anus Perfume can now be purchased on Ebay. Rumor has it that Chris Matthews has bought several bottles, which might explain the tingling sensation on his leg.
In fact, I suspect that Barack Obama bought a few bottles for his own bathroom, given that he absolutely loves the smell of his own rumpus. He is a built in air freshener because his (redacted) simply don’t stink.
Yes, we can all celebrate that society has come so far that a black man can succeed in politics by being as much of a vapid gasbag as a white man. Having said that, I believe we have been too tough on Barack Obama. He is a sweet young kid, and should be given a lollipop and a pat on the head.
It is in that spirit of loving our little cherubs that his new nickname is now officially being rolled out.
Barack Obama is now forever BHMO: Barack Hannah Montana Obama.
Think about it. Both Barack Obama and Mylie Cyrus are loved by young preteens around the world. Both of them fill up amphitheatres and fill them with sweet sugary pop. Actually, with Obama, it is more pap than pop, but either way there is pep. He is a sweet young pup for a little pip.
Both Obama and Mylie have been filmed in provocative clothing that may not have been appropriate for such young angels. Mylie did a photo spread that proved embarrassing, and Obama was caught with his shirt off after swimming.
Both Obama and Mylie are lighthearted fun, far away from the real problems that exist in this world. They are an escape hatch from what truly matters.
The stock market? Iraq? The Global War on Terror? Come on. Stop bothering these kids. They have plenty of time to worry about that when they grow up.
Mylie Cyrus is warmhearted. She is simply a nice kid. She seems to truly believe in goodness, and her songs are friendly.
Barack Obama sings songs about hope and change. We can hope to have change, and change to hope. It is a beautiful circle, and may it never be unbroken, by and by lord by and by.
Yes, all we have to do is look to the heavens and everything will be great.
I can even picture Obama and Mylie singing, “Sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, and everything that’s wonderful.”
Don’t tell Obama or Mylie’s Achy Breaky Heart that things are not sweet. I just don’t think they would understand. Billy Ray Cyrus has had pain, but he has done a great job of shielding Mylie from the darker aspects of life. As for Barack, he has just has a gift of ignorant bliss. May this adorable cherub never lose his naivete.
I just hope that the real world does not swallow them up. I pray that Mylie Cyrus never turn into Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, or Lindsay Lohan. I pray that Obambi never becomes as cynical as most politicians by relying on obscure concepts such as reality and facts.
Both of them speak in words that show a refreshing innocence, unspoiled by actual life experience.
Both of them get to frolic around the world, playing to adoring audiences. Both of them have unlimited bank accounts, and most likely spend it on frivolities.
The cheerleaders in junior high schools across America are preparing their routines.
Heck, no! We won’t go!
We love BHMO!
Cuter than the Dali Llama!
Barack Hannah Montana Obama!
Good little girls! Hug your momma!
It’s Barack Hannah Montana Obama!
No more crying, no more trauma!
Here’s Barack Hannah Montana Obama!
Hot Hot Hotter than a Sauna!
Barack Hannah Montana Obama!
Past our bedtime? We don’t wanna!
We want Barack Hannah Montana Obama
No more school! No more drama!
Smiles from Barack Hannah Montana Obama!
Period, semicolon, question, comma!
Exclamation Barack Hannah Montana Obama!
Raise ‘em high! Raise ‘em low!
We love BHMO!
The bottom line is that children need love. They need a steady hand of an adult parent to guide them.
Mylie Cyrus has her father Billy Ray, and her mother. She will be fine.
America will be ok as well. We have an adult in John McCain to deal with the many serious adult challenges that our nation faces. He will defeat the bad guys so that kids of all ages will sleep safely and snugly in their beds at night, whether they be girls such as Mylie Cyrus or boys such as Barack Obama.
Goodnight sweet Barack Hannah Montana Obama. Don’t worry my little one. Daddy John McCain will take care of everything. You just smile, rest up, and get some sleep.