THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS

On Wednesday night, October 8th, 2008, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar arrived. Thursday, October 9th is Yom Kippur.

During the day on Wednesday, I will perform the ritual of Tashlich. I will find a body of water, and toss bread into the water, which will be snatched up by cute lil duckies and fishies. As I toss the bread, I apologize for various sins. It is about casting my sins away, and then I start over sin free. I will need several loaves of bread.

Then starting at sundown I will be fasting for 24 hours. Let’s just say I will be sleeping in on Thursday the 9th. Then as soon as the sun goes down on Thursday night, I will gorge, and spend Friday recovering. I might write a column on Saturday night if I am not too drained. Either way, one day of fasting a year is not a lot to ask. Ramadan is 30 days.

Yom Kippur is the day of atonement. I have made many mistakes, sinned many times, and have a list of transgressions I am not proud of. There is a time to be cavalier, such as my fake apology list.

http://www.tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/06/i-apologize-forwhat-am-i-supposed-to-be-sorry-for-again/

However, I mean it sincerely when I say that I do not wish God to shove a flamethrower up my rumpus. I really want to do better.

To quote John Cougar Mellencamp, in the song, “Check it out,” from the Lonesome Jubilee album, “Time to settle with my neighbor. Time to question my own behavior.”

I was going to post a list of all the things I did wrong, and how I plan to make amends, but I have decided to keep that between myself and God. It is not that I fear admitting my flaws. I am quite open about where I am deficient as a human being. It is just that even a loudmouth politico likes me needs some sincere private time with God.

I have said many things about people, and done things I wish I had not done. So for Yom Kippur, I am going to make several requests of my fellow Jews, and anybody else that wishes to atone for something.

To liberal Jews who preach tolerance and acceptance…I wish you would apologize for all the remarks you made about George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. Disagree with them all you want, but hatred is poison, and no matter how much you may hate the Iraq War, speaking ill of these men is simply wrong. I disagree with the Clintons, but refuse to bash them personally.  I did at one point. I apologized for this, and have made my peace. If one person who has maintained hatred for the Dub and the Veep gives up this hatred, the world is a better place.

To an ex-girlfriend of mine from 13 years ago…your husband is one of my closest friends, and your continued hostility towards me, which he acknowledges is undeserved, hurts him. You will be asking God for forgiveness, but you have never accepted my overtures of peace. I offered peace 13 years ago, and wonder why the USA and Russia can shake hands but you and I cannot get along. Your husband is so hurt by our not getting along, and he knows that it is one directional hostility. I again offer you a hand of peace.

To the Chicago Cannonball…you are the love of my life.  I pray that I do not disappoint you. I thank God we met. I will do my best to not make mistakes, but just know my heart is in the right place, even when my brain is not. I love you very much.

To the readers of my blog, I try to maintain a position as a moderator. I hope I contribute positively to the blogosphere, and for those who want more, I am willing to listen. This does not mean agree, but I will listen.

As for certain relatives, just please respect my wishes.

As for various Rabbis, while you have welcomed me into your homes and your hearts, some of you have political views that just do not mesh with me. I want you to accept me regardless of my views, but not despite them, because my views make me who I am. I am not the “republican Jew.” I am a Jew who happens to be a republican.

I want to go to temple without hearing about Darfur, animal rights, global warming, and other aspects of Social Justice. I am tired of being told that being politically liberal is required for being a good human being and a good Jew. I would not mind if just one Rabbi talked about the value of human life, and how our soldiers are struggling for freedom so that all religions may worship in peace.

I wish the Jewish members of Moveon, Kos, and the Huffington Post would apologize to General Petraeus. It is one thing to disagree with a man. It is another to denigrate that man. We have to respect those that disagree with us, or we lose our souls.

I pray for the good health of my parents and mourn my grandparents, the last of whom died 6 months ago. I wish that those who are in a position to visit loved ones would simply do so. At the very least, pick up a telephone as much as possible. It is too late when people are gone to wish we had told them we loved them.

Again, it may seem strange to use a holiday about self improvement to demand more of others, but I drive myself harder than any of you can imagine. Every year I debate whether my vow should be to be more patient or less patient.

I am not a patient person, but I do not want to lower my standards either.

What I want is to be perfect, and that will never happen. However, that is no excuse to throw in the towel on trying to improve at all.

To quote the 1960s group The Animals (redone in 2003 by Santa Esmeralda), “I’m just a soul whose intentions are good…oh lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood.”

For the Jewish people of the world, a peaceful Yom Kippur to you all. For non-Jews everywhere that have goodness in your hearts, and zero malice towards another, I wish you happiness always.

eric

The pressure of politics is in the Friday rear view mirror. It will poke its head out again on Monday, but not until football plays its proper role on Sunday.

Today is a Saturday of recognizing some heroes and acknowledging some friends. Two days ago I was in New York, and yesterday was Atlanta. Today begins a peaceful weekend in South Florida. Recharging the batteries does not prevent me from spreading some love across the blogosphere.

I shall begin by giving props to our military heroes. As vital as they are, I also support those that do more for them than I ever have.

The people at Soldiers Angels are angels themselves.

www.soldiersangels.com

For those wondering how to communicate with soldiers it is easy.

www.emailourmilitary.com

The most respected military blog in the country is Blackfive. i had the pleasure of meeting Matthew Burden, who runs it.

www.blackfive.net

For those who want to send care packages to the troops, there is Operation Gratitude.

www.operationgratitude.com

For those who truly care about our veterans, Vets For Freedom has some fabulous soldiers leading the way. Pete Hegseth, Jeremy Christiansen, Nathan Martin, and Jason Meszaros are some fine soldiers. It is an honor to have interacted with them.

www.vetsforfreedom.org

Tim Maxwell, an injured soldier, writes about injured soldiers. they have pride, dignity, and belief.

www.sempermax.com

A Leiutenant in the United States Navy informed me of his wonderful website, “Appeal for Courage.”

http://www.appealforcourage.org/

In addition to military heroes, the blogosphere consists of many people that have products that i may be adding to my blog in terms of style. I will not add every one of them, but they are all worth looking at.

www.precisenews.us

www.hotrantsmedia.com

www.outbrain.com

www.intensedebate.com

www.regator.com

www.goosegrade.com

One site that tries to take the fight against anti-Semitism to college campuses is Stand With Us.

www.standwithus.com

The quality improvements to my blog are solely the credit of a team led by a guy named Eliot. He is the fella behind Hotweazel.

www.hotweazel.com

Another fellow that has been enormously helpful, and is a good guy to boot, is Chad of the Grizzly Groundswell.

www.grizzlygroundswell.com

Evan Sayet has another comedy show coming up.

www.evansayet.com

His new site is Regular Folks United.

www.regularfolksunited.com

My friend Dr. Bill Smith is the place to go for information about Arkansas Politics.

www.arkansasgopwing.blogspot.com

My friend Michael runs a great website called Urban Conservative.

www.urbanconservative.com

My friend Laura has a new album out. She is a talented jazz singer.

www.laurawolfe.net

Lastly, I will be debating at USC Chabad on October 16th and UCLA on October 24th.

No, I did not forget that O.J. Simpson was found guilty at 11pm PST last night. Now Greta Van Susteren will never leave my television screen ever again. I will let Ms. Van Substanceless cover this story. I have better things to do. besides, today was a tough day for former running backs in general. Lawrence Phillips also was sentenced to a decade in prison.

I only get to see my parents a few days a year, so the rest of the day will be about them.

Happy Saturday everybody.

eric

Today was supposed to be a day about so many things, but right now sadness has entered the realm of the Tygrrrr Express.

Jerry Reed has passed away.

Yes, the Tygrrrr Express is about politics and football, but the very name of my blog comes from the Song “Bandit Express,” featured in “Smokey and the Bandit 3.”

From “Eastbound and Down,” to “Texas Bound and Flying,” Jerry Reed was the perfect bootlegging quarry for Burt Reynolds, aka “The Bandit.”

Other great songs by Jerry Reed include:

The Uptown Poker Club

Lord Mr. Ford

The Preacher and the Bear

I love you (What can I say?)

Alabama Jubilee (Hail the gang’s all here)

Guitar Man

Yet the Smokey and the Bandit movies will be his legacy.

Another great song from those movies includes:

The Legend

The Tygrrrr Express is grieving.

From the Adam Sandler movie, “The Waterboy,” to his many songs, he truly was “The Legend.”

Burt Reynolds is still with us, and I hope he lights a candle for his buddy.

Fred the Bassett Hound has his ears even droopier than usual tonight.

One guitar man has just entered Heaven, Eastbound and Down.

Farewell Snowman.

eric

Before getting to various political issues in a slipshod manner, I have some final thoughts on Israel.

Although it is a beautiful country with lovely people and an amazing history, I did not feel the emotional charge that I felt when I visited Canton, Ohio, in 2006. Canton Ohio is the home of the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

I know it sounds crazy, but the National Football League is my burning passion. I love football. I am proud to be Jewish, but I am not Israeli. Visiting Israel was similar to visiting Singapore in 2003. It was a pretty country with much beauty. Yet it is not my home. I am American.

So while visiting Israel did not reduce me to tears or cause me to kiss the ground like  I did in Canton,  it was still the trip of a lifetime.  I am better off for having gone.

I was not able to really deal with hard core politics during my trip. Now that I can, I shall now present Mish Mosh Thursday.

The Chairman of the Arkansas Democratic Party was shot to death. There is no evidence that politics had anything to do with this senseless tragedy.

What should be taken from this event is that a man died way too young, and that a family no longer has a husband and father. I offer them my deepest condolences. However, I have no patience for those on the left that blamed “hateful talk radio” in general, and Sean Hannity in particular, for this terrible murder.

This is another example of the left wanting to curtail freedom of speech for those on the right. It is not acceptable, and I will fight any attempt to inject partisan politics into what appears to be a random killing. If for any reason the killer turns out to be a republican, and even if that killer did listen to talk radio, the responsibility would be that of the killer and the killer alone.

If this is not immediately accepted by the left, then the Clintons should be blamed for every suicide during their administration of small business owners brought on by the despair of higher taxes and crippling regulations.

It is about personal responsibility people.

In other news, John Edwards is a hypocrite and a liar. My heart goes out to Elizabeth Edwards. She married a sleazebag.

I personally do not think that the infidelity itself should disqualify the man from being President. Waht should disqualify him is a recklessness of character. Had he won the nomination, and then the affair would have exploded, he could have damaged the entire democratic party. As a republican, I have no problem with this. As a human being, as I said, his behavior was reckless. I suspect that Elizabeth Edwards wanted him to be President more than he did, and that she was driving the train. This in some ways makes her as calculating as Hillary Clinton. However, I lack the evidence to say this for a certainty. Elizabeth Edwards is going through a personal hell I wish on nobody. Also, they lost a teenage son to a tragic car accident, the nightmare of every parent. This should allow us to empathize for them as human beings, but not to accept that John Edwards is anything but a snake oil salesman with little to zero ethics.

Hillary Clinton is trying to sabotage Barack Obama. Let me rephrase that. She already has. Bill and Hillary Clinton are narcissistic, self indulgent, spoiled brats. They have no grace or class. Obama won the nomination fair and square. Yet he has proven to be weak in giving Hillary everything she wanted.

I am not saying Hillary is a terrorist by any stretch, but one does not negotiate or bargain away advantages when they have all the leverage. Obama should have called Hillary’s bluff, and given her nothing. Her supporters would not have the guts to vote for John McCain because all they care about is abortion. They would fall into line. Obama is not fit to stand up to world leaders if he does not have the guts to stand up to Hillary Clinton. This is very similar to 1988, when Michael Dukakis had to kiss Jesse Jackson’s racist rumpus. Hillary is destroying the democratic party, which would be meaningful if she actually cared about that at all. She does not. Her people are probably still digging dirt on Obama, hoping to catch him in a situation mimicking Bill Clinton or John Edwards.

Hillary was the one who kept mentioning the 3AM phone call. Barack Obama and John McCain received theirs in the form of the conflict between Russia and Georgia. McCain was decisive and bold. Obama was equivocating and tentative. This is because John McCain is ready to be President, and Obama is ready to lead a global rendition of “Hands Across America.”

Democrats are capable of occasionally accomplishing things during peacetime. During war, they need to be given their pacificiers and told to wait until the adults handle the problems. The Russian situation is serious, and platitudes won’t cut it. Hillary Clinton may have falsely claimed it, but it is John McCain that is truly ready to lead on day one.

Having said that, I completely disagree with the degree of McCain’s Russia bashing. He needs to tone it down. Insulting Putin is not the answer. I admire McCain’s toughness, but too much can turn into bellicosity. Force and hard power are needed with places such as Iran and Syria. Diplomacy, while normally a waste of time, must be utilized with Russia. We cannot have the Cold War again. Russia and America and China need to unite to defeat Radical Islam.

Speaking of China, some of their athletes have been accused of cheating at the Olympics. It’s the Olympics, and therefore I don’t care. The spirit of the Olympics has been tarnished for a long time, whether it be the Russian Fencing team or the USA Basketball team using professionals instead of amateur athletes. True, the USA was open and honest about it, but the bottom line is professionals should not compete in these games. That is why they are the Olympic Games and not Olympic Sports. These are not sports. They are games, and often rigged games at that.

As for human rights issues, I hope China cracks down on any protesters that makes the Tianamen Square seem like child’s play. Politics should not be in the Olympics, and agitators should get their hides kicked. If anybody thinks America is different, look at what the democrats are doing to homeless people and protesters in Denver. They are being given movie tickets, and those whor efused will be “removed from the streets.” There will not be in any tanks, but these are the “compassionate” people showing compassion. Also, the liberal delegates are grumbling at a lack of limousines, when they could walk or bicycle to the events. They are true greeniacs, these environmentalists. Then again, running over homeless people is easier in a limousine. Perhaps Ted Kennedy can be in charge of this. 

Ok, Mish Mosh Thursday has had its say.

The Michele Bachmann interview has been completed, and will be published soon.

I am still tired from my trip to Israel. When that changes, I may become coherent.

No, not really.

eric

The last day of my trip to Israel was sheer beauty. Today was the day for the “heavy” experiences.

We found a cab driver who took us all around Jerusalem for a fair price. That in itself proves that miracles exist in this holy city.

We saw holy Jewish, Christian, and Muslim sites. Pictures taken of everything from various churches to the holy Muslim site known as the Dome of the Rock were interspersed with the Jewish experience.

We went to the Mount of Olives, the Jewish cemetery.

The most emotional part of the day was going to Yad Vashem, the Holocaust Memorial.

This part of the experience brought out the worst in me, although it was confined to thoughts. My father is a Holocaust Survivor, and all the museum did was reinforce deeply felt hostilities already inside of me.

In my view, the world did nothing in 1933. They simply let us die. All it takes for evil to flourish, as the saying goes, is for good people to do nothing.

I was not sad witnessing the Holocaust Museum. I was angry. I did take pride in the Warsaw Ghetto people. They did not surrender. They fought. That reinforced my belief in the Second Amendment to the Constitution, and that the Jews that survived the longest had guns to fight back with. I do not see myself ever compromising on this belief.

Yet what made me angriest was not 1933, or even 1938. I felt like 2008 has the potential to be a repeat performance, and the world is doing nothing.

I see Iran and Syria as the new Germany. Some of the murderers even use Nazi literature to justify their teachings of hate. I have repeatedly said that Iran and Syria need to be turned into 50,000 golf courses. The Holocaust Museum reminded me “Never Again.”

Jews are being murdered by terrorists sponsored by Iran and Syria, and the world does nothing. Dead Jews? Who cares?

I do.

Some say Iran would not attack Israel because they would then get wiped out. This implies that the Mullahs are rational and logical rulers. I suspect otherwise. After all, it is not possible for diplomacy when destruction is the end result. You cannot bribe or bargain with those willing to die.

The IDF lost its power of deterrence in 2006, although perhaps the next Israeli prime Minister will be Bibi Netanyahu, and hope will return.

We also visited the Knesset, which was not in session. Like the rest of the world, they vacation to escape the Summer heat. We passed by the office building of Prime Minister Ehud Ohlmert. Nothing was being done today in terms of government business, so it was a typical day under his administration. He will be fired soon enough, and hope will return.

Yet the best part of the trip came in the form of our cab driver, and Arabic man named Faisal. He was a kind, decent man, and one of the only cab drivers that not only knew his way around, but did so in a safe manner. Israelis may cherish human life, but they do not value it in terms of most of their cab drivers.

Faisal told me how he wanted peace, and that as an Israeli Arab in Jerusalem, he leads a happy life. He has Jewish friends, and he enjoys showing people the city he was born and raised in.

Also, when there is war, it kills tourism, which hurts his economic survival. He hates Hamas and all the rest. He thinks that they destroy peace, and hurt Jews and Arabs.

I did not get political. Faisal expresse his opinions with no solicitation. Yet there was no faking the kindness of this man. I told him that he was “My first Arab friend, and hopefully not the last.”

One moment of beauty occurred outside a Christian Church. Outside the gate, an elderly woman of 80 and perhaps 90 was walking with a cane across some steps. She saw the Chicago Cannonball, and then me, and she clutched for our hands. I helped her several steps inside. Then a big, strong, Muslim man carried her down several steps and placed her in line so she could go through the Tomb of Mary, one of the holiest Christian sites.

The Chicago Cannonball and I did not go through because it is not our faith, and the moment would have been lost on me. Yet to have Jews and Muslims helping an elderly Christian lady reach one of the most important spiritual places in her faith was truly heartwarming.

The emotion of the tour and the sweltering heat took its toll, so we went back to the Old City, to end the trip on a lighthearted note by doing…what else…shopping.

Although the entire trip was a beautiful experience, it was time to go home. Exhaustion and fatigue had set in, and the 11 hour flight back to New Jersey would allow for some respite.

This was after of course, surviving the airport gift shops, as if we did not shop enough during the trip.

I thank God, and of course my friend Uri, for providing me the experience to go to Israel. It is in my rearview mirror, but Tel Aviv and Jerusalem will never be forgotten.

The Tygrrrr Express and the Chicago Cannonball are now back in America. Israel was beautiful, but America is my home.

She is in Chicago, and I am at work.

If anybody needs to find me, I am sleeping at my office desk in Los Angeles.

eric

Last night was the purpose of my entire trip to Israel. My friend since 1995 got married.

Before the wedding, some historically monumental news must be announced.

I have found the location of the Zohan.

Within walking distance of my hotel is a small barbershop located all by itself. There was nothing else around it. While I did not see the Zohan specifically, that was only because the barbershop was closed. Also, because of the hectic pace of my trip, I did not have time to get a haircut at all. Oh well. I was gorgeous upon my arrival, and am equally handsome upon leaving.

While I did not see any Palestinian terrorists, I did experience life and death moments as a passenger in an Israeli cab. Actually, to be fair, the drivers were Israeli, not the cab itself.

I have watched a very small amount of Fox News, but I am so exhausted that for all I know, John Edwards has invaded Soviet Georgia. I will cover both of those stories badly and in an untimely manner when I get a chance.

I did see on Fox News that the son of a top Hamas leader moved to San Diego, converted to Christianity, and renounced Hamas for its violence. There is humanity in individuals everywhere, which I learned on this trip.

We visited the old city again.

I went back to the Western Wall again, and prayed some more.

The Chicago Cannonball and I went throughout all four quarters of the Old City of Jerusalem. There is the Jewish Quarter, the Arab Muslim Quarter, the Christian Quarter, and the Armenian Quarter. The last one might seem strange since the first three are religions and the last one is a nationality. However, the story behind the Armenian Quarter is a fascinating one, and their emotional connection to Jerusalem is every bit as strong as that of the other three quarters.

Both the Jewish and Muslim Quarters are directly within a few inches of the Western Wall. Yet all four quarters operate in peace. The merchants sell everything from fruits and vegetables to gallery paintings. One famous slogan of the Jews is “Next year, in Jerusalem.” I saw a hilarious golf painting that said, “Golf in Jerusalem. Next year, in Augusta.”

Yet one source of frustration bothered me in the old city, and it was not about religion. Something sacred to me was violated, and I was deeply offended, and incredily hurt. I got over it, but the humiliation will sting for some time.

Various shops in all of the quarters had t-shirts of various sports teams in English and Hebrew. I thought this was very cool. There were plenty of NFL shirts, with the Dallas Cowboys, Philadelphia Eagles, and New York Jets displayed prominently in English and Hebrew. Yet I did not see the Oakland Raiders displayed.

I own a Raiders wallet, but when I showed the merchants the design, they stated that they did not have it. I thought maybe it was because it has beena few tough years, but they had merchandise of the Miami Dolphins, who won only one game last year. Heck, even the Raiders beat them.

One Israeli shopkeeper asked me who my team was. When I told him it was the Raiders, he replied, “They suck.” He suggested I switch to the San Francisco 49ers or another team. I explained that the Raiders were my team, and he again reminded me how terrible they were. In fact, he told the Chicago Cannonball how awful he felt for her, and offered her a free t-shirt to compensate for her being involved with a guy whose sports team, as he reminded me, “Sucks, sucks, sucks.” She was given a t-shirt that said, “Shalom, y’all.” She made it herself, by pressing the print machine that puts on the design.

So let the record show that the Old City is highly deficient from an NFL Football standpoint.

Then we visited the new city.

My journey proved successful. Although they did not have it on the wall (Not the Western Wall, the store wall), they did have the print in their book. Finally, my people, that being the Silver and Black, were given their due. The t-shirt was bought, and will be worn during the NFL season.

With my quest for my equivalent of the Holy Grail successful, we were on to the purpose of the entire trip.

We went to the wedding.

It was truly a beautiful ceremony for the ages. My friend Uri is a Turkish Jew that was raised in Italy, met me in Los Angeles, has family in San Diego, and met his new wife in Israel, where they now live.

I flew all the way to Israel for no other reason than his friendship. He is like a brother to me.

The wedding had Turkish, Hebrew, Italian, American, and other music.

The initial dancing was segregated. The men danced on one side of a divider and the women danced on the other side. The men lifted Uri up in his chair and hoisted him like a king. I appointed myself his hydrater, bringing him water when he needed it, since the religious Jewish dancing is intense.

The Chicago Cannonball and I stayed until the very end. We flew all the wa here for his wedding, so we were staying.

Just before the ceremony, Uri was in a private room signing the legal religious document that bound him towards his wife. My friend and I entered the room, and he, me and Uri had some serious “boardroom” photos taken of adults looking businesslike that would have made DOnald Trump of the Apprentice proud.

After Uri signed the document, he said, “Well, I just bought her.” I reminded him that there were “no exchanges or refunds,” and he was fine with that.

The entire ceremony was spectacular, and if it was not for Uri’s friendship, I might not have ever made it to Israel. I will be forever grateful to him for this.

Later on today the Chicago Cannonball and I have our final day of touring. We will visit some more holy sites, including the Israeli Knesset and at least one Holocaust museum. Then it is back to America. Israel is beautiful, but the USA is my home. I had a fabulous time here, but it is time to come home.

I learned a lot about people on this trip. For one thing, although I love Israel, I have had hostile relations with Israelis in America for reasons I will not go into. Yet the Israelis I met in Israel were not rude. They were very friendly. They confirmed what I suspected, that many Israelis that come to America do not represent the Israelis in Israel. If anything, some of them are the worst of the lot, scorned back home in Israel, and hiding their rejection behind bravado in America.

So yes, the Israelis still in Israel are quite friendly.

The non-Jewish merchants were also pleasant. Some were more aggressive thn others, but this was due to their being salespeople regardless of religion or ethnic background. I did not face one instance of anti-Semitism. The people in the Muslim and Christian Quarters showed genuine kindness.

I am not naive. I am aware that during tourist season, everybody is on their best behavior to maximize profits. Nevertheless, I can only judge what I see. What I saw was sheer beauty, people living in harmony.

My political views have not changed, but I have seen the best that society offers. I pray that the beauty that I saw in Israel is one day the norm throughout the Middle East, where commerce and handshakes replace blood and tears.

I pray that the land of Milk and Honey is as beautiful an experience for others as it was for me.

I pray that God looks after Uri and his wife forever, and that the next half of a century be sheer beauty for them.

I also pray for my grandparents in heaven, my parents in Florida, and the Chicago Cannonball and myself.

Tel Aviv was fun, Jerusalem was beautiful, and the wedding was amazing.

The Tygrrrr Express, with the Chicago Cannonball in tow, are America bound. America is my home, and I love being American.

On to the next adventure.

eric

Today was a serious day. There were plenty of pockets of fun, but today was about the trip to one of the holiest sites in the world, the Wailing Wall of Jerusalem.

Upon reaching the Wall I sang Pink Floyd’s “Another brick in the wall,” yelling, “Leave those kids alone! Then I sang “Screaming at the Wailing Wall by Flogging Molly.”

No, not really. International incidents are not my thing.

In news unrelated to the Wall, upon walking into my hotel in Jerusalem, the big flat screen in the lobby was turned to Fox News.

Finally! Given that CNN has further global reach than Fox News due to obvious political biases, it was a pleasure to see Fox News. While this could have been a coincidence, I suspect that this was deliberate. As delightful as Arab Christine Amanpour is on Jewish issues everywhere, the network with the Pro-Israel bent should be the network of choice in Israel, especially Jerusalem.

I managed to get a picture of myself with world flags on one side of me and Fox News on the other. The real reason I did that is because by coincidence, my friend Jonathan Hoenig, aka the Capitalist Pig, was on tv.

Fox News also announced that we lost another talented American, in this case Isaac Hayes. He was the voice behind “Shaft,” as well as “Chef” on South Park. He left us at 65, too soon.

In Olympic news, an Iranian athlete refused to compete against an Israeli athlete. I am sure the Israeli athlete would have kicked rumpus anyway.

I also learned today that the only thing scarier than an Arab terrorist is an aggressive cab driver. Whether Israeli or Arabic, they are relentless. The guy was not rude, but hours after he dropped us off, he saw me and the Chicago Cannonball and said, “Mr. Los Angeles, Ms. Chicago, I am at your service tomorrow. Only 250 shekels.” I heard it many times in his cab.

Whether Tel Aviv or Jerusalem, the service industry in general is lacking. Customer service is an oxymoron. However, most cab drivers, while pushy for more business, get the job done at a reasonable price.

In food news, I debated whether or not to order an Arabic salad. That way I could repeatedly stab it with a fork. I would drown it in unhealthy dressing and violently stab at it, one fork jab for every Jew murdered during the intifada.

Actually, I was just hungry. I asked the waitress what the difference was between an Israeli salad and an Arabic salad. She told me, “nothing.”

Then I got the idea of salad for peace. I, as a proud Jew and son of a Holocaust survivor, could eat an Arabic salad in the name of peace. In the background would be the Beatles singing, “Come together, right now, over me.”

Nevertheless, the lure of trying a veal burger was too strong, and my salad for peace movement collapsed under the bloodlust for meat. The burger was average, but the potatos were outstanding.

Yet Jerusalem is a serious city. There is a Jewish Quarter and a Muslim Quarter. The Christian and Armenian round out the square. Yes, I did just try to round out a square. The cab driver that took us from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem stopped 90% of the way through the cab ride. Going to our hotel apparently required going through the Muslim Quarter. How incredibly comforting.

The Chicago Cannonball and I got in a second cab, as I prayed not to die. No, I do not think all Muslims are terrorists, but I knew nothing about the Muslim Quarter, and perhaps it might be inciting trouble to go into “their” quarter.

Nevertheless, there were plenty of Jews in the area, and we checked in, and then headed for the Western Wall.

The way to the Western Wall goes through the Damascus Gate. There is plenty of shopping there, as Jews and Arab Muslims compete to see who can sell the most useless merchandise. Actually, there were some cool t-shirts, from the poignant to the delightfully offensive. I also saw sports t-shirts mixing English and Hebrew. They had the Dallas Cowboys and Philadelphia Eagles. The store owner had heard of the Oakland Raiders, but did not have one. He might be getting one. I hope so.

The Western Wall is one of the most meaningful places on Earth for Jews everywhere. I went to the wall, placed my hand on it, said a Jewish prayer known as “The Shema.” “Here O’ Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One.” I had a list of names of people that asked me to pray for them and others, and read every name on the list.

I made my request of God. If it gets released to to media I will get quite salty. I placed my folded note to God in the Wall and added another prayer. I then found the on site Chabad House, and told them that I “Thank God for Chabad.” I live in Los Angeles within walking distance of the global headquarters of Chabad, but to see this was special.

In Jerusalem near the Wall are synagogues, churches and mosques. I took pictures in front of all of them. The Arabs I encountered were not friendly or unfriendly. They were not in any way mean. They simply had different business than I did, and respectfully went about their business as I did mine. In all honesty, in some cases I could not tell if the person was Israeli or Arab.

As for the merchants, they just wanted business as any merchant would. Yet one Jewish merchant insisted on kissing me on the cheek as a member of the tribe. This was right before attempting to overcharge us for a long skirt so that the Chicago Cannonball could look ladylike at the Wall. She is a tough negotiator, and got her price.

My rule of thumb is that if the merchant is Jewish, haggle with him. If the merchant is an Arab, just pay them. I know I may be getting fleeced, but I do not want to come across as a cheap Jew. The stereotype bothers me enough that I would rather get bilked.

During dinner at an exotic hotel adjacent to ours, the sounds of “Allah Akbar” at a mosque were overheard, and it sounded…peaceful. I was thrilled to hear Islam the way it is supposed to be heard. I did not feel threatened.

I posed for a picture in frnt of a Palestinian pottery place, because when I think of Palestinians, I think of beautiful things being built such as pottery. Over the years I will tell my friends that I went to the Gaza Strip, declared peace in our time, and the Palestinians put down their arms and we all made pottery. The truth is I was in the Jewish area of Jerusalem, where Palestinians can operate a shop in peace. I want every peaceful person in this world to have this right, and hope that young Palestinians see that their own lot will improve when they can look me in the eye and see humanity.

I m trying very hard on this trip to separate the good Palestinians from the bad ones, but they do not ake it easy. I rarely let my politics interfere with other apsects of my life, but on Arab merchant had t-shirts that I almost bought. I was going to buy several of them. Then I saw e had one t-shirt that he was seling that said “President Arafat.” I decided not to buy from him. Besides, I should buy them from a Jewish merchant anyway.

Make no mistake about it. While Christianity and Islam have beautiful aspects of their faiths, Israel is a Jewish state, and Jerusalem is about Jews. As I saw Israeli flags flying high in the sky, I felt elated knowing that there was a place where all Jews can go. Outside of America, we have few options. Also, Israel is a Jewish state. The Arab Muslims have 22 states. They do not need 23.

Later tonight my friend Uri gets married. A wedding in Israel with people of all stripes will be an experience to remember.

Yet for now, with the Wailing Wall in the rear view mirror, it is time to get serious, as in some serious shopping. There are t-shirts waiting to be bought.

On to the next adventure.

eric

The Tygrrrr Express is making its way from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.

First of all, I offer my condolences to the family of Bernie Mac. I found him very funny. The world has lost a great comedian.

In political news, I have not heard anything about either Presidential candidate for a couple days. In business news, I have no idea what the financial markets are doing.

This vacation stuff rocks.

Some British comedy show came on. Hey, the Chicago Cannonball needs to do something while I wrap up this column. One character said, “I love Jimmy Hendrix. He wasn’t the same after he left the village people.”

As for Israel, we visited the city of Jaffa. We went on a boat cruise of the Mediterranean Sea.

In Israel, apparently the standards for leading boat cruises are not rigorous. Joseph Hazelwood, fresh off of his Exxon Valdez escapade, may have been leading our boat.

Steady as she goes is apparently passe. Choppy as she goes is the rule.

A friend of mine joined the Chicago Cannonball and me. My friend pointed out to me that we may have been the only Jews on the boat. It was mostly Arabs, wearing green.

I am not sure I have been around that many Arabs before, but their customs did not seem out of the ordinary. My brief observation of them is that they like to drink soda and beer, take pictures of the sea, and eat nuts, which I believe were pistachioes.

Due to the choppy waters, the Chicago Cannonball’s beer slid down the table, and I caught it just before it crashed. The oyung Arab fellow sitting near us laughed, with us and not at us.

I did not bond with any of them, but I felt no hostility either. We were all simply strangers on a ship enjoying a pleasant tour.

So yes, this was a learning experience. No, it has not changed my views about international politics. However, it is nice that individuals can spend 30 minutes with each other and focus only on the peaceful calm of the environment. Well, the people were peaceful. Again, the Jerry Garcia looking fellow that was imitating Captain Bligh did his part to create a Six Flags Great Adventure ride on the high seas.

At least we did not have to eat grog.

Although Saturday nights in Israel are normally rocking, the holiday of Tish B’av started on Saturday night, rendering many parts of the city dead zones.

Luckily, Tel Aviv still has areas of excitement. We found the party area, and they even have a bar entitled “Alcohol on the beach.” Israelis are not known for subtlety.

We decided not to go to the disco because my friend went the night before and informed us that they are overpriced, crowded, and don’t get going until 2am. However, in our cab ride home, there was some techno music. So we did get in the Israel discotheque experience, albeit for 10 minutes.

Now we are off to Jerusalem. It is my goal to get to the Wailing Wall today. I have many prayers to offer on behalf of those who requested them.

Now if only I could find a sports page or ESPN to see how my football team did today. My kickball team plays today, and I hope they rain down pink fury on their opponents. Go Ballbusters!

The adventure continues, from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.

eric

The Chicago Cannonball and I were prepared to make tonight about beaches and discos. We were not prepared for the most bizarre for of domestic terrorism the world has ever seen. Glass was shattered, and there was metal involved, but this will not make the newspaper.

Yes folks, BMX Terrorism is upon us.

Before getting to the violence, some brief updates on other matters.

The Packers deserve to go 3-13 instead of 13-3. The way Brett Favre was treated was sinful. It is a metaphor for deeper things I will go into at a later date.

Although I have watched virtually no television, my internet told me that John Edwards fessed up to having an affair. I stayed far away from it when it was first broken because there was only speculation, not evidence. I did remark that the Enquirer and Star Magazine have broken stories before, but this one I wanted no part of until it was confirmed. I will deal with it when I get back. I am on vacation.

Although I find the Olympics collosally boring, I caught a few minutes of the opening ceremonies. I was happy for China, and want all politics out of the Olympics. Then people can go back to being bored over sports few care about. The Chicago Cannonball remarked that Monaco does not need a team because only 8 people live there.

They are called the Olympic games because until the NFL gets involved, it is not a sporting event. That is my ugly American remark for the day. As I said, if we win, I might get a free fruit pie at McDonalds.

Yao Ming is tall. I have nothing else to add to that. He just is.

Now for the world of beaches, discos, and BMX terrorism in Israel.

We did not make it to the discos. We will do that tonight.

However, the beach was gorgeous. The restaurant bar on the beach was paradise. We had the Mediterranean Sea in front of us. We stayed until almost 4am.

Yet as much as most of the evening was peaceful, BMX Violence reined down.

The Chicago Cannonball and I were sitting at our table when glass and metal went flying.

We did not fear for our lives. However, this was BMX Violence at its worst.

The young boy was about 12 years, and while the bicycle he was riding may not have been BMX, I only know them, Schwinn, and Huffy. BMX sounds best.

Our table was the closest one to the bike path, and this boy veered towrds us. He was quite inebriated.

When his bike hit our table, our glasses spilled all over us. My black jeans were covered either in beer or diet Sprite. The Chicago Cannonball got doused as well.

The boy somehow managed not to fly across our table. He was polite, slurring the words “excuse me” in Hebrew, which the Chicago Cannonball translated.

I got up and rushed over to him just before he fell down. I held his bicycle up. This kid was blitzed.

Another guy said, “He may be drink.” I replied, “You think!”

The boy then laughed, unaware of anything that had occurred.

The man walked the boy away as we all laughed, since everybody was ok.

We moved over to the next table, and the waitress made it clear that “we were not going to be bombed here.”

Maybe so, but I am not sure we were totally safe either!

The people in nearby tables said that they had never seen that before. Some of them wanted to make sure that I did not blame all Israel for this one boy.

I told them tht I prayed that the boy was not American, since I did not want all Americans to be blamed either. Everyone laughed.

Yes, had we been in the Gaza Strip, and had the boy been Arab or Palestinian, perhaps the table would have exploded as soon as the boy made contact. I would not be laughing about it, that is for sure.

On a more serious note, I hope this boy’s parents discipline him, since in 4 years he might be driving a car.

Anyway, the land of milk and honey is not bad so far, although I have not tried any milk or honey.

I do look forward to the discos. They are indoors, which means the BMX Palestinian Hamas Hezbollah Cabal will not get to us inside.

Also, we were charged for our drinks anyway. Several Shekels should be taken from this boy’s allowance.

All is well, and I will be riding a bicycle tomorrow. If I see this boy, I will bike over to him and steal his ice cream while yelling “Allah Akbar.”

No, not really.

eric

Now that I have my first day in Israel under my belt, I have some random scattered observations to offer. I am hardly an expert, but know ever so slightly less than nothing.

Before getting to Tel Aviv, some quick tidbits.

Mike Farrell from Mash was on the plane. He was very nice. I do not know Mash, but I saw him on either O’Reilly or Hannity and Colmes. Although he is a lefty, I found him decent and thoughtful. I told him that I appreciated his raising the level of discourse. We shook hands.

Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann completed her email interview with me. I will publish it August 14th. She is a stunning woman, and I will leave it at that.

Lastly, The Brett Favre trade from the Packers to the Jets is a big deal, and a win for the Jets. Chad Pennington now needs a home.

Now back to Tel Aviv.

I pictured bomb shelters everywhere, and people wearing helmets. It is just the opposite. The people are happy, laughing, joking, and enjoying life. I did have to go through security just to eat a restaurant, which was a reminder of the danger. However, the people moved unimpeded. Perhaps their very conditions keep them so relaxed. Whatever the reason, life was bustling with activity.

Taxicabs are everywhere, and the prices are reasonable. Also, an expensive meal by Israel standards was cheaper than it would be in Los Angeles.

The hotel does have a gorgeous view, but the room is quite small for a luxury hotel. Also, in a very odd twist, the room has two twin beds next to each other. However, the crack in the middle occurs because it is not stable. Therefore, the Chicago Cannonball and I cannot be in the middle or one of us would plunge 12 inches to our death. Actually, 12 inches would most likely be a bruise.

Tel Aviv is a secular city, unlike Jerusalem, which is religious. So rather than Friday night in temple, a disco or club is more likely. Much of the food here is not even kosher. There is a McDonalds, a Japanese sushi place, and an Irish pub. I wonder if Ireland has Jewish bars.

Also, we are walking distance from the beach, and the mall is nearby. The beach is impressive. The mall is not.

An outdoor bazaar/flea market type of environment was enjoyable. I did not expect to see so much American stuff. Israelis were selling Marilyn Monroe stuff, New York Yankees hats, and Hellraisers tshirts. Thankfully, there was some Israeli stuff as well.

The Chicago Cannonball took me to a place that was supposedly world famous for its Hummus. I am not a hummus guy. To me, hummus is hummus. Nevertheless, it was not bad, although world famous is a stretch. I asked for bread, and was told by one of the locals to call it “pita.” I did, so as not to be seen as an ugly American.

I hve no CNN or Fox News, and cannot be happier. I did watch 5 minutes of Desperate Housewives.

The music is pleasant, and it was funny to hear “Smokin’ in the Boys Room” sung in Hebrew. Motley Crue would have liked it (They remade it anyway).

Some incredibly large woman wore a t-shirt that said “Boeing 777.” I had to laugh because maybe she was one.

Most importantly, I still have not found the Zohan.

It will happen. For now, I will watch and learn, and relax poolside.

eric