I made a vow never to sacrifice quality for ratings. I would never cover schlock just to get more blog hits.
I apologize today for breaking that vow. Rather than cover something important, I have decided to cover the Denver version of Cirque De Soleil, that being the Demagoguic Party Convention.
Rather than offer transcriptions, I will only present the truly worst of the speeches, with an honest portrayal of any accidental positive messages that may somehow emanate from the toxic environment of Denver.
(Editor’s note: Denver is the worst city in America. I am a fan of the Oakland Raiders, the enemy of the Denver Broncos. My contempt for democrats and liberals is dwarfed by my hatred of the Broncos. Having the leftinistras descend on this city makes it easier for me to batter them.)
Before getting to the convention itself, the left wing protesters are not disappointing. T-shirt vendors are aggressively hawking t-shirts that read “Capitalism $uck$.” Not since women wore t-shirts that read “Lesbians against Bush” have I been so proud. As boxing promoter Don King says, “Only in America.”
To teach these t-shirt vendors about the true meaning of socialism, I should forcibly seize their profits and redistribute them to myself. After all, an educational lesson of economics would be amusing whether or not they grasped the simple concept.
Also, I will be speaking tonight at 7pm PST for approximately 10 minutes on the Presidential election. The theme of my speech will be “The American Hero vs the American Idol.”
Some new blogger friends have their thoughts about politics.
From a comedy standpoint, David Letterman said: “Security at the democratic convention is so tight. It is tighter than Nancy Pelosi’s face.”
A Letterman tribute to the home of Joe Biden went like this: “Welcome to ‘Get to know Delaware’…Delaware is a state…This has been ‘Get to know Delaware.’”
The top 10 ways to make the convention more exciting… # 6 “A surprise appearance by the exhumed remains of Lyndon Johnson.”
Jay Leno had this to offer: Bill and Hillary Clinton are both speaking at the convention…not to each other of course.”
Senator John McCain was a guest on Leno. He handled the age issue by pretending to fall asleep in the chair. His comments regarding Obama and Biden were overwhelmingly gracious. This is a shame, since that graciousness will not be returned.
With that, I now bring the best of the worst of the demagoguic convention.
Howard Dean and Nancy Pelosi spoke during the daytime because the democrats do not want normal Americans to ever hear Howard Dean and Nancy Pelosi.
A tribute to former President and anti-Semite Jimmy Carter was a smart way of not allowing the man to address the convention.
I will not be covering the remarks of Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg. Even by the low standards of democrats, she is irrelevant. She had a famous father. She did remark that America needs Barack Obama.
No, we don’t. He needs us, unless he plans to vote for me, I do not need him.
There was then a beautiful tribute to Senator Ted Kennedy. Mary Jo Kopechne could not attend because she is still dead, thanks to the selfless Senator.
Ted Kennedy gave a speech that reflected what he is…an ailing man. He could barely bring himself to get in one thinly veiled jab at President Bush. His best days are behind him. Decent Americans everywhere are grateful for this.
Michelle Obama came onstage, and everybody held their collective breath. Her job was to offer bland, boring, harmless statements. Translation, she was to be inoffensive.
The criticism of Barack Obama is that he offers platitudes. Michelle Obama should offer platitudes. When she offers substance, people get concerned.
She started out inoffensive enough, but eventually could not help herself. Barack is morally superior because he worked with poor people rather than on Wall Street, as if there is anything wrong with working on Wall Street. Also, community organizers do not work at soup kitchens. They are political agitators.
She then settled back into bromides. She paid the obligatory praise to military families. She praised Hillary Clinton as a woman who put “18 million cracks in the glass ceiling.” She mentioned on several occasions about how much she loved America.
She left a job at a big law firm for a career in public service. Big deal. Again, there is nothing wrong with pursuing wealth and power. This nonsensical idea that doing so leaves us empty and unfulfilled is claptrap.
Barack Obama wants to “end the war in Iraq responsibly.” I am sure that means something to somebody with special liberal rabbit ears.
She then mentioned the word hope several times, and the word change as well.
At least one female delegate was seen crying. Then again, maybe I had to watch “Beaches,” “Steel Magnolias,” or “Fried Green Tomatoes” to get it.
She then said that she and Barack would be “committed to building the world as it should be.”
Maybe they do not get it, but even if they win, they only rule this country, not every other nation.
If the goal was to soften her image, she went way too far in the other direction. My father has diabetes, and I may have contracted it from the over the top sugar that she doused the crowd in. It may have fooled some people, but it was insincere, with the exception of her sincere contempt for productive private sector workers.
Then again, that does accurately reflect the democratic party, which remains a coalition of special interests begging for handouts, egghead intellectuals that have contempt for those they opine about, and billionaires complaining that they cannot get adequate limousine service to a convention dedicated to bashing the wealthy.
Barack Obama and Joe Biden have yet to speak, and already too much has been said.