THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS

I recently held a conservative republican comedy event at the Laugh Factory. I allowed Evan Sayet to be my closing act. I was on stage for 10 minutes, but allowed him 45 minutes.

http://www.evansayet.com

Ok, so maybe that was not exactly how it happened.

Nevertheless, Evan somehow manages to keep coming up with new material. About 90% of his show was new material. The one or two jokes he keeps including are so funny that they should be repeated anyway.

The show went over so well that Evan has just been offered a monthly gig at the Laugh Factory. For the time being, every third Tuesday at the Laugh Factory will be dedicated to conservative comedy, under the “Right to Laugh” banner. The next show is Tuesday, August 19th, at 8pm.

I personally am glad that club owner Jamie Masada did this, since his personal politics lean far left. Whether he is doing it because making money trumps idealism, or because he genuinely believes in ideological diversity, is irrelevant. All views deserve a voice, and he is providing one for conservative comedians.

We all have a Right to Laugh. With that, below is Evan Sayet’s latest brilliance.

“My son is here. He is a man now, just turned 18. He is a Jewish redneck. The problem with a Jewish redneck is trying to find him a 10 gallon Yamulkah.”

“My ex-wife is also here. The marriage failing was totally my fault. She is a wonderful mother and was a great wife. I was a complete (redacted). What can I say, I was a liberal then.”

“It amazes me that comedians cannot find anything to make fun of regarding Barack Obama. There is tons to make fun of, they just don’t want to do it.”

“First of all, we can save money in the White House by not painting an Obama portrait. W can just use the negatives from the portrait of Prince Charles.”

“An Obama Presidential seal can just be rented and given back to Chuck E. Cheese when not in use.”

“Obama spends 3 hours in the gym. The only time a politician needs 3 hours ina gym is when Barney Frank is looking for his prom date.”

“I’m not saying Obama is effeminate, but his lapel pin is red, white, and fuschia.”

“If Howard Dean is a metrosexual, then Obama lives in the suburbs.”

“No man bowls a 37. That time spent more time rolling in the gutter than Ted Kennedy.”

“Obama bowled a 37 because he did not want to knock over the pins. He wanted to negotiate with them.”

“This race is the August Senator versus the guy who has been a Senator since August.”

“Obama can’t be tough on crime. His advisers are either in or on their way to Sing Sing.”

“People say Obama has no convictions. That’s why he associates with Tony Rezko and William Ayers.”

“I’m not saying Obama’s advisers are connected in Chicago, but he does have Joe Pesci on his short list for Vice President. The first meal at the inaugural dinner will be broken leg of lamb.”

“Obama is so young and naive, that Bill CLinton is hitting on him.”

“Obama is so young and naive that he thinks Hamas is good with Pita bread.”

“Obama is so young that if they swear him in, they will need a laminated bible.”

“Obama is so young that he thinks Fannie Mae is his great Aunt in Kentucky. You know her. She is the relative he has not thrown under the bus. This guy gets rid of more relatives than Michael Corleone.”

“Obama is so young that he thinks Freddie Mac comes with soda and fries.”

“There is tons of stuff to make fun of regarding Obama. The comedians want him to win, so they just won’t do it.”

“The Taliban believe that women must be covered from head to toe. Either the Taliban are evil, or those must be some ugly women.”

“No wonder the Taliban women are virgins at age 75.”

“People are so self righteous. They blame companies instead of taking personal responsibility. Whether it is tobacco, alcohol, or food, they never look inwards. They will look at me and ask, ‘Do you know what is in McDonalds?’ I reply, ‘2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce cheese…’ They tell me up front what’s in there.”

“We live in a world where a soliloquy by Shakespeare makes you a bigot, but a monologue by a vagina makes you enlightened.”

“The liberals can’t even get their own accusations straight. They say that we went to war to steal the oil. Then asked why we don’t have the oil, they reply that it costs too much.”

“Of course we use 40% of the world’s energy. We have plugs. We also have things to plug into the plugs.”

“If your tongue is not cut out by a dictator, that gives youa better chance of being a successful businessman.”

“If we really wanted to steal oil, we could just take it from Mexico. After all, there’s nobody left there.”

“Some people will ask ‘What’s wrong with Mexico?’ Why ask me? I’m not the one who left.”

“America does not have things because we stole it from others. The Sudanese don’t have cable, but we didn’t steal cable from the Sudanese. When you are busy hacking one million people to death, there is a chance that one of them might have been the cable guy.”

“We don’t even try to take over Canada. It wouldn’t be that hard. We have the world’s finest military. They have Celine Dion.”

“The God I believe in is a loving God. With old couples, when her breasts start to sag, his back starts to hunch over.”

“Democrats say that 2 = 2 = 8. Ordinary people cannot understand this, but they are geniuses.”

“Democrats idea of a middle gorund is deciding not to refer to President Bush or republicans as Hitler. Instead they say we are all a bunch of Himmlers.”

“We should compromise regarding drivers licenses for illegal aliens. We can split the difference. They can be legal when they are driving South, and illegal when they are driving North.”

“There is room for compromise on gun control. People should not be allowed to own a gun if they have a psychiatric record, a criminal record, or a Streisand record.”

“What can you say about Barbra Streisand? Her mother couldn’t even spell Barbara.”

“Here is how liberals can understand the severity of 9/11. When the nose cone of the plane entered the building, it created a hostile work environment.”

As always, I would like to thank Evan Sayet for being as entertaining as can be.

I am also grateful to him for allowing me to go on early enough before the audience had to go to sleep. After all, republican audiences have to get up early because they have jobs.

eric

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 29th, 2008 at 12:10 pm and is filed under POLITICS. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.