THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS

The struggle is civilization versus barbarism, and civilization is cannibalizing itself in ways that barbarians could only dream.

I am not a “You-Tuber.” For those of you who have no idea what You-Tube is, be grateful.

Armageddonijad, that warm fuzzy baboon from Iran, recently met with the one form of life less sophisticated than he, that being a poison ivy league university president. What is more than a tad ironic is that behavior that Armageddonijad has engaged in is now commonplace among Americans, particularly youthful ones. I do not care for this genocidal lunatic, but I am finding it difficult to criticize him when Americans celebrate his behavior on You-Tube.

I start with the issue of torture. Armageddonijad tortures people, not just with his voice, but with actual brutal methods of physically hurting people. One such way is with tasering.

For those who do not know, a taser is a device that sends electrical volts through somebody. It is dangerous and potentially fatal to be tasered. It is inhumane to do this to somebody, although law enforcement officials occasionally need to taser dangerous criminals, such as violent drug abusers and left wing activists at violent peace rallies.

However, thanks to You-Tube, people are now tasering each other and themselves. Teenagers are tasering each other’s breasts, rumpuses and genitals. Look, I like pleasant sensations as much as the next guy, but are people that desperate for gratification? It is one thing to stick your pager (a device from the 1980s, still used by drug dealers and doctors) down your trousers and beg your friends to page you, but it is another to attach electric shock therapy to your sensitive regions. As I said, these are tactics used by third world despots looking to extract information from their hostages, not teenagers incapable of knowing any information about anything.

The next You-Tube phenomenon is called “Freak-dancing,” which is basically simulated sex. Yes, like most dances, these teenagers do look like they are having epileptic seizures, but voluntarily simulating sex apparently is acceptable if referred to as “dancing.”

So why is this a problem? Because of Abu Gharaib. We had these terrorists in our prison simulating sex, and we were not allowed to claim that we were just making them “dance.” I am surprised the ASPCA never got involved, because it reminds me of the “dancing duck,” which was really a duck with a hot plate under its webbed feet (Be kind to your webbed footed friends…a duck might be somebody’s mother).

So if cruelty to ducks and terrorists is inhumane, how can You-tube sanction this stuff? Oh sure, it may come across like these teenagers are behaving voluntarily, but when one has no mental capacity, they cannot legally claim their behavior as valid. So how do we prove these teenagers have no capacity? Easy enough. Have you seen them? That is like asking how breakdancers in the 1980s could be mentally slow after spinning on their heads. As Bill Cosby said, “It’s got to be drugs. People don’t get like that on pure air alone.”

Lastly, Armageddonijad likes to make liquid bombs, and have them tossed at innocent civilians. He funds homicide bombers. They use vests, belts, and grenades. A liquid grenade involves taking a hydratic substance, tossing it at someone, and attempting to injure them. In the Mafia, they call dangerous liquid devices Molotov Cocktails.

Again, You-Tube is on the cutting edge of imitating the Ayatollah Khomonkey’s disciple. Teenage You-Tubers now drive up to fast food takeout windows, order drinks, and then film each other throwing the drinks at the drive through window worker serving it to them.

Why would somebody pay money for a perfectly good beverage and then throw it at somebody? I guess for the same reason people would take a grenade and throw it at somebody. For laughs I guess. I was not aware that McDonalds and Burger King workers were the infidels.

In Arab countries, a long time hobby has been taking innocent people and violently killing them in the town square. This is done through beating, stoning (not to be confused with getting stoned, a teenage You-Tuber hobby today), and shooting (not to be confused with shooting up).

In America, young You-Tubers film each other beating the tar out of each other. There is actually a scandal in Louisiana involving six boys beating up one boy. How did it get out of hand? Well one boy was scheduled to fight another boy, and the other five were not supposed to take part. Scheduled? Two boys beating each other up on camera is scheduled? This is a hobby?

Now I know why Armageddonijad was babbling about there being no homosexuals in Iran. I thought he was just a crackpot. Now I realize he justs wants to be in a You-Tube video that gets as many hits as possible. Heck, what is the point of committing genocide if it cannot make people laugh on the internet?

I used to think that the biggest threat to society were Islamofacists. Now I have to confess that it might be Bob Saget. America’s Funniest Home Videos started the decline. It amazes me that Guantanamo Bay is a source of controversy, yet American teenagers engage in similar behavior, and it is called entertainment.

How can Armageddonijad spend time trying to eradicate Israel and the USA, and still make time to update his vlog (video blog)?

Maybe it is my fault. I have been spending too much time worrying about foreign policy at the expense of the next generation of Americans. I am focused on the War on Terror. I want to straighten out the crackpots that are Islamofacist nutcases, be they Mullahs, Hamas, Hezbollah, or Palestinian homicide bombers.

It blame myself. I am preoccupied trying to help save civilization. Can somebody out there pick up the slack by picking up the slackers?

Parents need to storm into their childrens’ rooms (Janet Reno is available if need be), disconnect their internet access, and take away their video cameras. Parenting is not a democracy. Once this is done, parents need to teach children about a device I had as a child that is known as a “ball.” It can be thrown, bounced, and caught. It is meant to be played with outside. When these kids are outside, they can interact with each other.  There will not be any keyboards, but they can use their feet to walk, hands to gesture, and mouths to talk. Actual conversations did exist before we all went virtual.

Once we can get back to a world where the biggest problems parents face are their children dressing badly and listening to terribly incoherent music, these adults can get back to what else matters. That involves taking Armageddonijad and his terrorist friends and kicking their @sses.

Who am I kidding. Once we catch these guys, I will be the first guy to show up with a taser and a video camera. After all, the soldier who caught Saddam Hussein did inspect him for lice in front of the world. I know this because it was on You-Tube. Not that I watched it…somebody told me about it.

eric

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 27th, 2007 at 9:11 am and is filed under POLITICS, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.